Saturday, September 15, 2012

Back to school

Me, leading up to September 5th
During the second half of July and the entire month of August I was dreading going back to school this fall.  The night before classes started I didn't have my backpack or notebooks ready.  The morning of I had no idea where my classes were going to be.  It isn't like it is in elementary school with new clothes and new pens; instead its monthly tuition bills for $2500 and 15 hours a week of commuter stress.  While all of this whining was going on, my incredibly supportive partner let it all roll off his back. "I will love you no matter what you decide," he would say, as if my life is somehow in my hands.  To make matters more frustrating, my sister, who has been my I-hate-school-and-I-want-to-do-something-different-with-my-life buddy, made the decision to take a year off from her program.  I was jealous and depressed.  And then I went to classes.  I have some amazing instructors this semester who are teaching really great topics (Death, Loss & Grief, Treatments for Sexual Dysfunctions, Grant Writing & Fundraising, Environmental Psychology)!  My internship has restaffed and they are giving me new projects (social media campaign, local foods initiative, community outreach, program development)!  It hit me right over the head: I am falling in love with school again.  I'm talking about my future as a social worker again after spending the whole summer describing that time after graduation as some kind of mysterious cracker jack prize.

My professional confidence is returning; I felt like such a badass running a summer camp but have felt really displaced as a student.  My internship supervisor hit the nail on the head yesterday when she explained that I was project oriented not task oriented.  I have a hard time working when I don't feel ownership in what I'm doing and she is giving me ownership.  I'm even working on a proposal with a colleague of mine to start teaching a mini-course at the university on food systems as social justice.  (Fingers crossed).  Life is happening.
Thank you Ryan Gosling, I'm pretty impressed too.
And please don't infantilize me, I am a woman.
Now that I'm back on the social work path...I'll get in line for the "crap I can't find a job in my field"fork in the road.

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